Thursday, November 22, 2012

Expose time

Are you a proper wargamer?

If Peter Cushing isn't the model of a proper "toy soldier" man - I don't know who is. 

* Spent at least £500 ($1000) on figures / tanks - and you get extra kudos for every £500 you've spent

Lost count?  I certainly have spent $1000 on just the sheet metal bases that all may armies march around on right now.

* Pricked your finger or thumb on a pike block - several times

pike?  No   Lancers?  Yes 

* Tried at least 10 different rule sets and vowed never to play half of them ever again

Rule sets for what RPG?  At least 10.
Miniatures?  Another 10 or more?
Napoleonic Miniatures?  Again another 10 or more … though I have not put down minis in actually testing many of them out.
WWII?  From skirmish to Front level, again at least 10

* Bought an army off EBay


* Sold an army on EBay

Yes, several 

* spent months painting an army - then used it in anger once

hmm, months?  Not since I started with 15mm ancients and those have all been used in multiple tournaments and games.  So simple answer : no. 

* tried several different periods and genres

Yes, from sci-fi games like Star Fleet Battles (that has no real-world comparison) to hard edged Historical simulation games like Squad Leader (with minis) and Napoleon’s Battles; both by Avalon Hill that have loads of details.  I still own many 15mm Fantasy and Historical armies for DBA and Hordes of the Things.  Along with the ever growing 28mm Napoleonic / Tricorne era armies.

* dropped a box of figures on the floor from a great height

”A great height”?  No.  Had a tower of minis in drawers come loose while driving on the freeway and tip over because I had to suddenly apply brakes because of some *%$##! In front of me?  Yes.

Thankfully they were in my new magnetic format so the only actual damage (that I could find) was a Hussar rider separating from his horse.  Easily repaired, there was time used up in re-forming all the troops that had been knocked off the magnets though, and that was too bad as the game was a special visit one and I would have preferred to have more kibitz time…

* lost a battle on the last throw of the dice

not on the ‘last’ throw 

* made at least one enemy for life

not that I am aware of

* had a proper, stand up argument over a wargamers table

stand up argument?  Like shouting?  No.  I have had a few heated discussions, and have requested my children just leave from the table rather than let them get too hot under the collar because they have rolled a poor set of rolls and cannot hear my suggestions that there are still options.

* thrown a dice across a room


* rebased an army for a different rule set

All the time now, I LOVE my MAGNETIC setup for minis! 

* inflicted a whopping defeat on an opponent

Whooping?  Like 2:1 or more in casualties?  A few times.  3:1 only once.
Hammered someone who would not listen that the Axis was going to win (in Axis and Allies) after taking and holding Karelia and having Japan capture India?  Yes.  I won the world in that game. 

* suffered an embarrassing defeat due to a stupid tactical decision

Yup.  Learned much of how not to use cavalry in that game.

* joined a wargamers club

couple of them

* bought a ton of lead that remains unpainted

Ton?  No.  I do have lead that is not yet cast and lots of moulds to cast it with though

* been to a wargamers show

not a UK or EU ‘show’ as it is known.
I have been to conventions in North America from New York to Toronto to Vancouver

* have more dice than is logical or necessary to own - and have used most of them

at one time, yes, and in my defense I bought a big bucket at discount (how can you refuse 10 lb of dice for $3?) then progressively sold them off or gifted them away.

* have taken boxes of troops down to a club just to show them off to your mates


* You have reference books on each period / army you play (I must have ten samurai books now)

not each army, I tend to get the campaign series that covers the events more than the troops.

* Having played so many different games you confidently quote rules for a totally different period, scale or ruleset to the one you're playing at that moment

Yes, and I prefer not to unless we are in a round-table discussion of how/why things are ‘done’ and what has been done differently in a game.

* You have lied to your partner / spouse about how much you've spent on the hobby (When my wife saw my painting table, I told her that Vallejo paints are only 75p each - I'm going to Hell...).

Nope.  I have earned my cash for the hobby and recently have paid some family expenses with it.

* You get genuinely excited when a package arrives in the post - then hide it upstairs quickly before your partner sees it.  If your partner finds it first, you lie about the contents.

No, I show it off to those interested.

* You have joined a re-enactment society (5 points for this one!)

Did SCA in my twenties, then was in the active Canadian Armed Forces … they are re-enacting the 1970’s all the time.

* You have played in an unsuitable venue (I have played in a wooden pavilion in the middle of winter where we had to keep coats, scarves and gloves on to play - and in a social club where we used the pool table as a battlefield (making us the most unpopular people in Wallasey).  I have since vowed only to play where both heat and beer are accessible and in plentiful supply.

I have used my old shed without heat for a few games in October and November, not any more.

* You continue to search for the perfect Napoleonic / WW2 / Ancients / ACW etc. rule set (knowing that it doesn't actually exist).

Search for it?  Not actively, I am happy to look over new ones and see what interesting mechanics people have come up with to solve command and control issues mostly.

* For that reason you have developed your own house rules for certain periods.  And think them far superior to the original author's efforts.

There are ‘house rules’ in some games, mostly developed so that the 5-12 year old sons that I have can get into the game and have a sense of fun (things like written plans and maps are beyond the understanding of most 6 year olds)

* You have returned from a wargames show and sneaked upstairs to hide the stash.


* You have an irrational aversion to some genres and vow never to play them regardless of how much fun they look.  Like Dystopian Wars, 6mm Napoleonics, Warhammer 40k, Malifaux etc. 

If I think/feel they look fun and someone else is putting on a good enough show to get my attention, I will play.  If I am asked to put on a game, there are some I have the aversion to … mostly the 40K stuff as it costs so much and has a play/feel like WWI

* You have made your own wargames scenery.


* You have reached a painting 'wall' ("If I have to paint another f________ Gaul, I'm going to scream")

From time to time in each project.  Thus the reason for switching armies and troop types from time to time. 

* You have lost - and regained - your wargaming mojo.

I dropped off the wargames radar when I signed on with the military, about 5 years – then RPG’s got me moving again, after encountering a tabletop gamer who taught me how to make my own moulds I launched into miniature wargames – now after many many years of games I do not see the ‘mojo’ dropping off.  Most certainly the RPG mojo has fallen off, as has most of my connection to those players.

* You have the occasional (and short lived) sense of guilt with your wife/children when complaining to them about the money spent in clothes, shoes or toys/Xbox games when you have £200 of unpainted metal stuffed in an upstairs drawer.

Nope, I have paid bills with the sale of my excess production, so no such guilt trips for me.

* You have done armies in different scales for the same period (e.g. ACW in 28mm, 15mm and 6mm).

again, armies?  Dunno.  I do have Hordes of the Things Napoleonic troops and 28mm armies – so I guess this qualifies.

* You have jealously coveted someone else's troops (if Ian pops his clogs, I'll be round his house with a Transit van before he hits the ground).


* You have laughed (secretly or otherwise) as someone else's paint job (Marks' purple camels come to mind)

Yes, we had a warhammer 40K player who was somewhat color blind and his silvery green space marines were so painful to look at on the table they were always destroyed first.
After one such battle where his force was literally blasted off the table (three of us were shooting only at him), he commented about the poor performance of these troops and wondered aloud about why we were all concentrating fire on him.
Mike very directly told him that his troops were of such a god awful fluorescent puke green color that we had to get them out of our sight in order to think straight.

* You have provided a piece of useless trivia relating to the troops on the table to show off your wargaming knowledge. 


* You have contradicted someone elses' trivia - demonstrating your superior knowledge and giving you a warm glow inside.


* You have caused a major disaster on a wargames table (spilling a pint, collapsing the table, dropped someone else's figures on the floor).  Mark has flattened two tables in the past year - and he was losing both battles....

no, not ever – I am extremely careful around others minis and ask the same of others at mine.  I take extra efforts about drinks and have gone to great lengths to make many of my game parts that must be so exposed somewhat ‘coke-spill-proof’

* You have cheered when an opponent's dice lets them down at a critical point (I have literally danced in front of someone when he failed a morale roll) 

Danced?  No, cheered yes – that is what is expected in Circus Maximus!

* You have lied to your partner about going gaming.  "Mothers' not very well - just popping around to see her.  I'll be back in about - oh - seven hours".


* You have lied to an attractive woman (man) about your hobby.  

No. I have a wealth of historical information about many of the different Imperial periods, so the minis may be the start of a conversation about Ancient Greece or 19th Century France.

* You have made an opponent cry.  It doesn't count if they are under 8 years old though.

no the over 8 crowd – see comments about my young sons

* You have painted the same army in the same scale more than once (Monty, you dawg!)  

Army?  Dunno what qualifies as an army.  I have painted loads and loads of British line troops and sold lots of them and French Napoleonic forces also, again sold them and made more.

* You have reference books on armies you haven't even got (I have books on ECW, ACW, SYW, 30YW yet not one solitary figure for any of these periods).

Yes.  I have some ACW books that were given to me by a relative when they heard I was doing mini warfare and interested in the period – never did develop the forces.

* You have bought figures for a period you have never and will never play - because they were cheap.  Step forward my HOTT dwarf and evil goblin armies.

I have some HOTT armies from Warmaster that are still unpainted, however I am interested in the period and I have played many HOTT battles with other armies, which these Warmaster ones are slated to join.

* You have inflicted grevious bodily harm on a dice that has let you down.  This includes the guy who used to drill holes in them and impale the offenders on cocktail-stick stakes and Big Lee taking an axe to one offender.


* You blog or have a web-page about your Wargaming activities


* Your book collection is almost all war and wargames related


* You critique 'war' movies (especially Hollywood war movies) for historical accuracy (like the use of American tanks - Pershings I think - to represent German Panzers in the 'Battle of the Bulge'.)


* You spend car / train journeys checking out the lie of the land - considering which way you would attack from and whether it would make good wargaming terrain.

No, I am too busy driving if I am in the car, or sleeping if I am not the driver. 

Points Score: not sure how to score this – I think I got too many bonus points in the first queston! 

Many thanks to Conrad over at Joy and Forgetfulness

1 comment:

Bluebear Jeff said...

It strikes me that if you do want to do some ACW gaming that the "dollar store" approach for bags of 54mm plastics would be great for "garden gaming" for your boys.

-- Jeff