Wednesday, December 03, 2008


For the benefit of my non-Canadian readers there has been a massive ammount of non-sense coming from this nation's capitol over the past few days.

Today, I got an interesting little ditty in my in-box and felt that I should share it with you, credit going to another writer, but the smile it is likely to bring will sit well with most english-speaking nationals.

Thanks to Chris Tibbs for this ditty. Perhaps it will bring a smile to your face.
Governmentium: A New Metal?
Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet
known to science.
The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy
neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by
vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it
impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of
Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take
from 4 days to 4 years to complete.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years. It does not decay, but instead
undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy
neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time,
since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of morons’ promotion leads some scientists to believe that
Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration.
This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass. When catalyzed with money,
Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy
as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.


Bluebear Jeff said...

Wonderful, my friend. Just delightful. Thank you for the smile.

-- Jeff

Snickering Corpses said...

Even being from the other side of your southern border, we are well acquainted with Governmentium! Thanks for this.

Martin said...

Hi Murdock,

I enjoyed the discovery of Governmentium so much, I forwarded it to my son the Engineer in Boston. He now has a copy, framed and hanging on his office wall.